Friday, June 24, 2011

Retro Draft Diary 2011, Live From Lucas' Couch

This is such a weird draft. There’s not really any…impact guys. Only about 2 and they go by the names of Derrick and Kyrie. As much as Chad Ford and Jay Bilas will not admit it, this is a weak draft. You can blame the looming lockout; I’ll blame that the draft is being held in Newark or Secaucus or whatever, only because I can. (Note: As I'm editing this piece on Friday morning, I just saw that Bill Simmons did the same exact thing. Great minds think alike? Well, I'm glad you're here and not reading his!)

Let’s set this up: I’m at my buddy Lucas’ house in downtown Manhattan watching the draft with Joe Mead, Russell, and our friend Donovan. Everyone is a Knicks fan but me and Donovan so I’m prepared for an earful for the next 5 hours or so. Let’s start this, shall we?

7:34 – BOOOOOO!!! DAVID STERN!!! Goddamn lockout is hovering over the head of the NBA. It’s really depressing. I don’t know how I’m going to survive in the fall if there’s no basketball and no football. I might just take up a drug habit. Someone start making FREE BRANDON shirts.

7:40 – I never understood why these teams use ALL 5 minutes if they KNOW who they’re going to take. I can just imagine the Cavs’ basketball people all sitting around a table, for about 4 minutes and 30 seconds in silence until someone finally says, “So Irving?” and they text it to Adam Silver who whispers it in David Stern’s ear.

7:41 – And Kyrie Irving goes to Cleveland. Surprise, surprise. I mean…if I were them, I would have rather had them pick Derrick Williams and use the #4 pick on Brandon Knight but of course, I’m not a general manager for a reason. Maybe Kyrie Irving does have some Chris Paul in him. It is a point guard league, I guess (This coming from a guy with Derrick Rose on his favorite team).

7:46 – WELP! The Minnesota Timberwolves officially have three of the same guy in Derrick Williams, Michael Beasley, and Anthony Randolph. Who would trade for Beasley? The Lakers? Take some youth? I don’t know. The Wolves need to do something; they can’t go forward like this, can they? Leave it to David Kahn. Someone offer me his job. Please.

7:47 – Joe Mead and I just went over how we couldn’t believe the Bulls thought about drafting Michael Beasley. We came to this conclusion: If the Bulls drafted Beasley then the Heat would have Derrick Rose and would have never been in the running to get Lebron James as much as they were. Therefore, the Bulls would suck and Lebron would have taken his talents to Broadway last summer. Joe blames Bulls management for the fiasco in Florida.

7:49 – Jazz are on the clock. They control the draft. Knight or Kanter? I’m calling Kanter.

7:51 – And it’s Enes Kanter! Brandon is 1 for 1 on his on-the-fly predictions. I might just quit on the predictions while I’m ahead. I like this pick though. Kanter playing with his fellow Turkish teammate, Mehmet Okur, who can show him the NBA ropes. I think it’s an ideal situation for Enes, not to mention I think he’s going to be a pretty solid center.

7:56 – The Cavs pick is in. I’m thinking the Lithuanian guy. I can’t pronounce it. I can’t even type it.

7:57 – WELP! I couldn’t have been more wrong. Texas’ Tristan Thompson is heading to Cleveland. I think that’s a little early for him. Why wouldn’t Cleveland try to move down a little bit? Eh.

8:03 – WILL BRYAN COLANGELO EVER FUCKING LEARN? The Lithuanian center whose name I can’t pronounce who also doesn’t speak English too well (as noted by Lucas’ father). The Raptors always go with the International angle and it’s NEVER paid off. I can’t believe they just did this. I’m not a fan of them, but if I was, I’d be pretty pissed. Especially because Brandon Knight is still on the board and he won’t go to the Wizards at #6. I’m thinking they go with Jan Vesely; they need a swingman.

8:07 – THEY GOT MY MAN! I’m back en route to making correct predictions! Did I mention how much I loved this guy’s talent? Not only his talent, but after his name was announced he kissed his woman; the dude’s got swagger! What a good pick. Sacramento on the clock, but I think they’re picking for the Bobcats. What a shitfest.

8:13 – Bismack Biyombo just landed in Charlotte via Sacramento. Interesting, very interesting. I don’t even know what to stay. That’s 3 foreign guys in a row! Knight, Walker, and Fredette ALL on the board still! Detroit on the clock…yikes?

8:17 – Russell: Everybody’s realizing you need a big man to win in this league!
Me: Or all these teams are stupid and there’s a reason they’re in the lottery and will be here next year

Joe Mead: I’m going with that!

8:19 – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Brandon Knight is a Piston! No! No! No! Brandon Knight is now stuck in limbo aka Detroit. I feel so bad for him. He looks sad! Now I’m not going to want to watch him. That’s too bad. Detroit just admitted that they made the wrong decision in making Rodney Stuckey their franchise point guard when they traded Chauncey Billups four years ago. Sorry, Detroit fans. Do you guys even exist?

8:24 – Charlotte took Kemba Walker. Read what I wrote for Brandon Knight over again and just replace the names and cities. Bucks on the clock picking for Sacramento now. Jimmer time!?

8:29: It is Jimmer time! Jimmer, be careful on that team: you have Demarcus Cousins, Jason Thompson, Tyreke Evans, Samuel Dalembert, and Donte Greene on this team. Jimmer, it goes without saying that you’re the odd man out.

8:33 – Okay, I’m taking a break. Pizza is here!

8:55 – Welp, some stuff happened. Let’s update:

11. GS – Klay Thompson (SG)

12. UTA – Alec Burks (SG)

13. PHX – Markieff Morris (PF)

14. HOU – Marcus Morris (PF)

Interesting. I wish the Morris twins were on the same team though. Sigh. One day, one day…

8:57 – Joe Mead, Lucas, and Russell are all sweating a little bit now that the Knicks pick is getting closer and closer. I offered the notion that the Knicks might take Chris Singleton or Marshon Brooks. They all scoffed at me and Joe Mead said, “No! Kawhi Leonard!” The other two nodded in agreement.

9:02 – WELP, there goes that idea! Leonard is heading to Indiana. When they announced that pick, the mood in this room resembled when we all found out the upcoming season of Entourage will be its last. Philadelphia is on the clock.

9:07- Keenan, how do you feel about Nikola Vucevic headed to Philly? I don’t know who this guy is, so I’m just going to uh…just going to sit this one out.

9:09 – The Knicks are on the clock! People at the draft are going crazy! People in this room going crazy! Time for James Dolan to fuck everything up! Let me just note that 4 of the 6 people in this room are diehard Knicks fans, including my co-bloggers Joe and Russ. I secretly want this to be a terrible pick so I can hear them all complain. I think this pick is going to be Chris Singleton from Florida State, which would be a pretty good pick in my opinion. But then again, there’s no pleasing Knicks fans.

9:13 – “…the New York Knicks select Iman Shumpert out of Georgia Tech”

Everyone in this room is now attempting to talk themselves into this pick. They’re doing a pretty good job I think. A 6’5” guard who can slash and play defense? It is something they need I guess.

9:17 – Who is this nerd who is going to become the Knicks president!

9:18 – Wizards just got Chris Singleton! Boy oh boy, I think I’m going to be watching a lot of Wizards game next season. Chris Singleton and Jan Vessely!? Team that up with John Wall, Jordan Crawford, Javale McGee, and Nick Young and you officially have my attention. They should have yours too!

9:43 – The Nuggets just took that crazy rebounding dude from Morehead State! Have you seen this guy play? He is a machine.

9:58 (I made this time up; I’m adding this in because I forgot to put it before.) – Marshon Brooks is on Boston! Russell and I saw this guy play in person and he’s pretty athletic. He can flat out score the basketball. Something that we all know Boston definitely needs after their offense suffered (for some reason) after Kendrick Perkins got traded (Sorry, Krista!). The mysteries of the NBA…

10:15 – …Who did the Bulls just trade for?

10:22 – Holy crap! The Bulls just got Jimmy Butler from Marquette! There is a great piece that Chad Ford wrote about him on that was seriously moving. I never considered for a second that he could end up in red and black. Jeesh, I didn’t think the Bulls 30th overall pick could affect me but it certainly has. I am definitely happy with this pick. Good way to end the first round.


  1. very excellent stuff...dont write off jimmer so gotta want a guy off the bench that can come in and create a shot from almost anywhere with a pretty solid chance of it going part by far is the piece about the wizards...shaping up to be a good ass team


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...